In my book “The Man in the Window”, one of the chapters is titled Good Intentions. Most people in the beginning of any journey all have good intentions. Whether it’s a new diet, exercise program, study habits in school, personal prayer, bible study, or even attending a church. We always set out with a certain expectation, for what the journey, what the process will look like. I would venture to say, that far more people are more successful at quitting the process, and very few are successful, however, it’s those people that most of us aspire to be.
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I’ve said it all before, whether it’s waking up at a certain time every morning to work out. Praying a certain length of time, eating a minimal amount of calories, drinking a certain amount of water. All of these are certainly great goals to have, but what keeps the average person from successfully completing their goal? Everyone has good intentions in the beginning, however, for some reason, there’s always that one or two incidents that cause us to give up on our goals.
On a spiritual level, people attend church with good intentions. What changes for them, between day one and the day they choose to leave? Below are just some random thoughts I had, compiled from conversations I’ve had with individuals over the years on why they chose to quit attending.
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1. They got out of the habit. Just like with any goal, attending the gym, eating a special diet, studying a book. There may be a ball tournament one weekend, someone sick the next, out of town for a weekend. Before you know it, you’ve missed three weeks, and it’s no longer a habit. This is no different when you are in a gym, or on an exercise regimen or diet. All it takes is a couple of interruptions and it’s no longer a habit to continue with what you were trying to accomplish.
2. They felt disconnected. Church, like any other activity you engage in is a relationship. You get what you put into it. If you are approaching every week with a consumerism mindset, then it’s hard to make connections with other individuals if you aren’t putting anything back into the relationship. Join a small group, attend a bible study, reach out to someone on leadership. Find a place to serve. Trust me, the leadership team is always looking for people to serve. I’ve seen this with times in my life, when I was trying to achieve a goal at the gym, or when I ran in a half marathon. Life is much easier when we are connected and have friends that we are doing it with. People to encourage us along the way. ]
3. They were offended. We’ve all been offended at some point in our lives. Whether it was a teaching by the pastor, an interaction with leadership, you didn’t feel like your needs were being met. When you are interacting with the church, you are interacting with imperfect people, and they will mess up.
However, this should never be the reason to walk away from a relationship with Christ. Human interaction, fellowship, and relationships are all benefits to attending a church. The real reason for us gathering is to encourage one another in Christ, to worship Christ together, and to grow in the Lord. If that can’t happen for you in a healthy way with the congregation you were at, then seek it with another.
4. They left when leadership changed. We see this time and time again, people have a beloved pastor that steps down, moves on to another church. The Youth Pastor changes, Worshp Leader changes, whatever position it may be in leadership. We place the individuals in leadership on a pedestal, and it becomes more about them than the doctrines and missions of the church. If your issue is with the doctrine or mission, then find some where that does share your values.
5. Life happens. So many people quit attending church, following significant life events. Divorce, addictions, marriage troubles, infidelity, all kinds of things happen, and the church which often paints a picture of everything is great, is one of the least inviting places for someone to be. They feel shame, they feel condemnation, they may feel like they are being judged. Repeat after me: THIS IS NOT THE CASE! The church is one of the safest places to be when one of these life events occurs. You are surrounded by imperfect people. You are surrounded by individuals that have walked through most of the same things you are walking through, and they know the importance of walking through those together. Psalm 55:22 says “Cast all your burdens upon the Lord and he will sustain you”, you weren’t created to carry those burdens. Quit trying to.
I realize that these are not the only reasons why people leave the church. What are some of the reasons that you believe people have left the church? Do you feel they are valid? What’s the solution? I’d love to hear your thoughts!